1) The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

2) She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still.

3) A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

4) The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

5) No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

6) A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

7) Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

8) Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

9) Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

10) I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

11) A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab centre said: "Keep off the Grass."

12) A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

13) The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

14) In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes.

15) Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!